Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Dead...without realizing it.


So, okay
2 things to do before you format your laptop are

1) save every file possible except those that are just total craps.
2) dont take everything as total craps.

n i mean it. Totally.

2 things to do if you have a blog

1) go update
2) don give reasons if you cant update; people don wanna know.

yeah, whatever...
at least, im here, back..
though its not even holiday, nor short two days break, or whatever that might sound as similar or under the definition of "staying at home in peace; away from the asrama torture essence"
in my kamus hidup (dictionary of life) la..

As a matter or fact, something came up
well, okay...
something bad came up
I got a serious injury that requires the usage of crutches, and to put it shortly,
even crutches couldnt help me anymore
they sent me back.

n so, because I have a blog n a formatted ie zero files-in-it computer, I chose to spend my night today, typing things down.
before another excuse could be jot down
n be read before the world.
so, no excuse today. the broadband thing is still on, the weather's ok, im not busy (yeah, coz i apparently cant move), n im not in mood for TV or books.
So, here I come.

Today, I'm gonna go slow.
Like, total slow.
Coz, to tell you the truth, thats how it has been going on somehow in my world, over this past few months.
things went pretty slow.
at least; on this particurlar issue.
the news didnt really hit it. Like it used to.

So, in my world, the regulars...
You know, how our faiths are being tested evryday. N how u dont know when can your faith go up and down and suddenly, befiore u know it, you have started accepting things u never did before...


I didnt get it why I cant go. When all my other friends could.

"It's the place where maksiat happens, girl."
"But...it's a childish movie. For God sake, which crazy couple would go n take that as a port"
"N if they do? You want a share of their sin?"
"No, but.."
"Don't take it as a norm. Once you allow its presence in your life, its hard to see the bad side of it anymore. Coz it is beautiful. In the eyes of the world;that is full of sin."

Tounge = cat got it.
Mind = still pending the message up all the way to the medulla oblongata.

When people are upset, they dont see anything as rational..
But people dont get upset for long
Espescially, if it is their parents, for the most.
N then, only did it sound quite.....quite similar.

Don't take it as a norm. Coz the second no is always the hardest.

To take movies outing as a norm, that wasnt really a part of my intention. The plan was basically, to go, watch, n come back. No biggies.
N I thought that was good enough,
at least, that I,
1) Am not watching some 18 SX, SG thing but prefer to go to some cartoon adapted movie instead.
2) Am not going with any of my friend, be it male or female, but preferred to take someone biologically related to me for that purpose.
3) Am not asking any money for that matter as well.
4) Am going to actually wear my usual attire without compromizing over the fact that "It's a cinema, gurl"
5) Will not buy any popcorns or soda; note taken.
6)Have never asked for this before and this is my first time for so long.
7)Am FaithHana, n I know what I'm doing. I've been over this. A hundred times.

Well, at least that's what I thought...
That there are compromises.
That you can actually tolerate with the situation, if you know how to play with it.
Coz you cant always say no to everything, rite?
Things like cinemas, concerts....has it place, if u know how to deal with it, rite?

For so many years I've said a total no to myself for cinema, n suddenly this year, out of nowhere, came the desire for me to take a step; a brave step I call it, n make a revolution.
Coz I thought it was safe enough.
N was good enough to control myself, n the situation.

But it wasn't,
N I wasn't any closer to that label itself. "Good enough to control"

Once you make it a norm, its hard to turn back. You can turn, but its hard. N its gonna be painful to let it go.

To go to a place where sins are there; where sins have happened there.
Where everyone knows whats going on there;
where its famoulsy well-known for it's aiding criteria that facilitates the to-dos there.
where people actually learn tricks on how to apply it there
n just to see on how it will work.

No, it's not about Alice in Wonderland
Coz, yeah, like how I argued, its a chuldish movie, not really another aiding factor for the couples...
but all the same, I got his point.

Dont make it a norm.

As in, today, it might be a childish movie..
tomorrow, when you dont see the bad side of it coz uve been blinded by the beauty...
u might as well think
that there hv never even existed a bad side
when there was
but only when u are rational, do u take it in.

once u allow a maksiat to go through your life, it continues....
once u gave it a chance to penetrate, you'll give as much excuses..

That was the lesson I learnt, that hit me back, just as I opened back this blog to write.
My fingers went numb.
Questions hit me one after another.

What? Am I gonna write about boycott again?...

when I cant even say no to boycotting something I've been boycotting all along
there comes one desire
n i let it in. Without considering....without furthur analysing..
n thank God, he was there to tell me, no. Full stop.

Boycott Israel product...
what's the point?

when i am still evolving myself life around maksiat.
when i am still saying yes to all other beauties...
to all that songs
n all that dramas
n all that celebs...

whats the point of covering urself from head to toe
of preventing urself from such thing as zina
when u cant even control ur tiny piece of heart
from liking it

whats the point of writing down in a blog called palestine
where u dreamt to end the war
n u cant even fight with yourself
when it comes to coping with reality
with what the trend is
n how everybody"s taking it.

I gave excuses
I was covered, my intention was sincere, it was nothing near what could happened that happened there
n i tried my best
to give a full neglection
to my guilty feeling
when i though
of how embarassing would it be if Rasulullah witness me going in there.
when i know i could have staryed away
as usual.
but because it was "in"
i prefered to let it "in", just this once.

Dont take it as a norm. It doesnt just start and end. It takes effort to plant that seed of acceptance n once it grows into a tree, ull have to pull it from the root, to get everything out.
N that"ll be a total hell of a pain
so, y bother planting..

because it would be fun

For how long?

Message = sent to medulla oblongata. Recieveing responses.

When it"s a haram, it"s a haram.
no matter how much you try to neutralize it.
N i didnt realize that...
for a while..

wonder what happened to me.
until i didnt see it.
once, after so long...

n if i dont take this seriously
one day
i might even say
"who cares"
to this,
this issue of Palestine. This issue I've been forever upholding..
Just like the princips i had about the cinema.
All washed away.
Because everyone"s doing it
Because it's a no biggie n why am i being such a nerd to take something that is not even a new trend to start off with.

when u make it a norm, it becomes a part of your life.
N from there on, start another new desire
for everyday, a new acceptance towards something...
that could be further "neutralized"
n it wont stop..
into creating a new you...
that accept things...
as long as that head is still covered, that dress isnt showing curves..
but whats the point
whats the point of shouting out aloud to the world to go and make a change
when you're changing
into something worse..
day by day

have this faith went so down i didnt realize it,
the one to blame....is still again, me
coz my hisab will still be on me
my mizan too
n i will have to go through that sirat nustaqim alone.
so, let it be
that the whole world is saying yes to it
'cause i wont have my share in it.

If I could really control myself
I wouldnt have had that dream to go there
I said I wanted to boycott Israel goods as their economy is powerful.

n if I said yes to cinema,
Ill be saying yes to McDonald eventually
n one day..
ill be like them
them, those in scarves girls that were eating prouldly at the dinner table in there
that shared the laughs and the joy out of every savoury bite in..

It isnt fair
there they are, dying, bleeding, still dared to stand up to take a rock and got shot.
Dying because of that burger.
N here we are
paying for that burger.

Because we said.
We cant say no to everything
at least, I donated to the Palestinians before
n whats the point if I"m the only one boycotting..
the iSraelis hv thousands of brands in their pockets
no matter what i alone, dom things cant be changed.

yeah, "neutralize it"
go, give excuses. as much.
be like me.
allow that thing in/
n once you said yes, it will be a forever yes.
too hard to turn back.
welcome to the family
as you are accepted.

I don"t believe it..
I don't believe I'm that stupid...

Spread the love

by : FaithHana

Friday, March 19, 2010

Why can't I cry like I used to?


SALAM; everyone.
At last! At last!
Believe it or not.
All this time, I've been fighting this urge to jump off the window coz I don´t have internet in the house and how practically that isn´t practical at all considering the fact that I have a blog that has to be updated and like duh,...
suddenly, everything just like, fall down from the sky....

My Dad went over to me and like casually said 'You know, that celcom broadband USB thing I bought that won't work on my laptop, could u like check the thing on ur sis'
my jaw dropped open.
There was actually 'internet'. All these times.
And to think of all the days I've wasted. Man...
You gotta be kidding me...
And holiday is nearly over too-

But anyway, lets not ponder over the wasted hours. Lets, top it up, okay, guys...

So, in my previous posts, I did mention the fact that today, things have quitened down a bit. And how that is so virtual. Because in reality, it's getting worse there, day by day...

I read an article once, from this unknown writer, he said..
wouldn't it be nice, if the Palestinian, from the early start, could have actually considered Israel to have a bit of their land. Wouldn't that be nice? By now, if that have happened- Israelis and the Palestinian could walk side by side along the road, saying Hellos to each other, all in dramatic peace, no wars...just peace, together, sharing the land. I mean, what's so wrong about that? Why be greedy and let everyone else suffer out of your own greed? I mean, sharing is caring, rite?

Okay, first.
Mr. Writer, you think you know so much. Well, you don't-

But anyway, thanks. For enlighting to us all, that such ideas exists.
People do ask these question. People that don't serach for the facts, and don't dwell upon what they hear, but let the media do the job for them. Yeah...basically, these kind of ideas could have easily be formed.

Logically, why bother fighting at all, rite? If such simple matter could be settled easily beforehand by just sharing the land together, rite? Why let the women and children suffer? why let the bazzuca enter the houses? why let the tears drop? why take away the lives of men and fathers? why? why don't you just negotiate it peacefully and if that is what the Israelis want, just give it?

Mr. Writer,
That land that you want the Palestinians to give away, isn#t just the Palestinian's land. It#s the Muslims land. The whole community of Muslims throughout the world hold responsibility towards that land. If, say, the Al-Aqsa doesn't have enough energy to generate its power for electricity, the whole community of Muslims throughout the world would have to donate, for the land is ours.
And today, that land is being claimed by the Israelis, n therefore, the question to ask, the permission to land, is not just upon the Palestinians, but upon every single Muslims on earth, today.

And what we did say,
we said no.
That land is ours. We're not giving it away.
And what did they say.
They say,
who cares, we wanted it, and we have power.
So, they kill. They terrorize
and they manipulate the story.

They said it was their land. They gave out the facts, they said they were the former founders. But it was proven, through searches, through history, through all the sources possible, that they were wrong.
They were proven wrong.
But still, today, they are still saying
who cares, we have power. We could do what we want to do and who are you to stop us?

And so, they proceed. And keep on proceeding..

So, Mr. Writer, I ask you. If,one day, you walk back to your house and suddenly a man come over with his troops saying that 'Hey, that's my house. I founded it first', would you just give it away.
And if that man insist and give facts that he somehow have found that house first, would you believe him.
No. Cause the facts were lies. And it was even proven so.
So, the man got busted that he was a liar, but he doesn#t care. He wanted the house somehow, so he just rambled through and killed your family starightaway.
Coz he has the power.

r u blaming urself, that all this time, u could have shared the house with him.
When u knew, that actually, that man didn't want sharing.
He wanted the house for his own good.
And he doesn't care that it's yours.
As long as he gets it....

R we clear?

Some people...they just...
I don't know how to describe this, this kind of thinking. Some people could get really twisted. There were some others that thought these Palestinians, why they wouldn' give up, why they keep on fighting is because, they like to recieve all these medications, all these free donations and what not.
How could you just say that?!??!
There they are, fighting to their last blood, for the sake of upholding Islam, our mosque, Al-Aqsa that is being destroyed,our beloved land that is being mentioned in the Quran, our people, our muslims brothers and sisters,and you, you just sit there, like you know everything, and keep on assuming this and that...and

Go and throw a rock at yourself and feel the pain! Go and take a knife and bleed! Go and run over to some military guy and ask him to shoot you in the face.
Coz those children at Gaza, that is what they#re facing.
Risking their life, their education.
Risking everything....
And we are just...
If Salahuddin Al-Ayyubi see all of these...
If Rasulalllah see how much we didnt care today...

No, no.
This is not just for Mr. Writer.
This is not just for that man who accused Palestinian of being greedy donation recievers.
This is for us all.
For me.
For you.

When was the last time, we sit down and think about them.
The Palestinians.
When was the last time, we cried for them?
We keep on saying, day by day, that it isn't fair. The Palestinians doesn't deserve all this.

But did we do anything.


We keep on giving excuses. We're nothing. So lets shut up.

If, that man who was shot at his face, was stamped by fourteen foot , was kicked by sixteen legs, was tortured on and on--
If, that man was your father.
Maybe you wouldn't shut up.

So, what are we waiting for? Our fathers? N then only do we scream and cry. When Allah had given us soo much, but we kept giving excuses.

If you can jam thousands of word about your favourite celebrity and chat with your friends about The Twilight Saga, what's so hard about spreading the love for Palestine.
What? That you're afraid that all your friend would just go away and leave you all alone.
N you wanted them free? N you had the dream? Well, did you really?

Don't ever, ever, hope, or dream that Muslims will unite and get the land back, when u yourself, lie there, doing nothing..
The Palestinians don't terrorize in their own land.
The Israelis shouldn't have been there. At all. They shouldn't have taken everyone's right. They shouldn't have killed the men, rape the mothers, torture the children.

That should have been made cut and clear.
But, why are there still people asking stupid questions, having stupid assumptions?
Media. You hated media.
And you, having internet at your finger...aren't you media, yourself?
Spread the love. What excuse do u have now? Or are you afraid of your own shadow?
Or is it that you're not ready.
Then, until when?

When will we ever get that land back?

by: FaithHana

If you get to change one mind today, maybe you've given so much change to a whole generation, without you realizing it.

Another question of the day:
Why can't I cry like I used to?

Monday, March 15, 2010

R they still dying?


Dudes, everyone.
SoRRY: Like terribly.
As usual, there was no line. And as usual, when I suddenly do bump into a place where there is actually wiFi, i don have all d papers with me
so, yeah...
bear with this ongoing climate I#m in.

I wanna write like so badly, but..
i dont wanna produce a non-quality article for the whole world (exaggerating)to read,
while I#m at it
i´ll leave this question for ya to answer n think.
coz ive been thinking bout it too
n surprised that it havent touched me like it used to.
surprised that though i know i´m worrying,
it didnt come through like it used to.

so, before i actually write about the whole thing
let me have sometimes to go and check on
this little piece of meat in me
n attach back the screws that was set loose in it
until i could see back what is it that i missed

have it been books
have it been movies
have it been friends
have it been laughters
the one to blame
is still me

y wont my tears drop,
when they r, n still r, dying??

have i changed. or hv the world made me?