Confesssion from FAITH

Salam.
I have no idea brape org that is currently reading this.
Maybe 100, maybe 0.
God knows...

I don't actually plan to write right now.
Espescially since br jer smpai rmh from hostel. And really am planning to have a nice, good rest after weeks of pressure and torture back there..
But then I remembered this blog.
And yeah, though I don't know if there is really someone out there waiting to hear more about Palestine, I...
I just......

I don't know what to do.
It's hard...
Staying here, trying to install the feel of worry over them everyday...
Trying to cry for them everyday..
To actually go down deep in their tangled of unraveled mess....

Bact at hostel,
Kat KISAS,
I have many friends that have family problems..
And sometimes, when I sit down and take time to listen to their stories, my heart ache.
These are the people that have something to say and thank God, Allah let me hear it.
And there are people out thre, at Palestine, that has like soooo many things to express and yet, all they can do is just...
keep it to themselves
or cry.

Coz they're all alone. No families. No friends.
No life.

And that's not true!!
I want to hear their stories. I want to take them by the hand and pat their back and comfort them and tell them that "Allah knows best..."
and give them what I was able to give my friends here..
words..
words that can soothe one minds out
that can soften the broken hearts..and mend it back..

And yet I can't do anything.
And sometimes I don't even cry for them...
Sometimes...
I EVEN FOR FORGOT THEM.
And at someother times,......
I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE NOW, THAT THE MEDIA IS SILENCING IT DOWN, EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL.
Which I know, is never possible.

I'm ashamed of myself.
And yet, I'm still writing..
And try to tell the world that hey, don't sleep.
And yet, I did sleep..
I'm not quallified for any of this...

.......................................
We laugh everyday.
It's not wrong to laugh.
But it's when we didn't cry.
That makes it obvious..
That we didn't really care.
And we thought we did.

Palestine, I'm sorry I let you down. ButI'll keep on trying. I'll find the cries back and shed tears for Al-Aqsa. I'll strengthen back the bond that we had and keep praying.
Allah, help me.
Don't let me forget.
What I reemembered.
Don't let me feel nothing.
When I did feel it strongly..
Once..
Forgive me.

by: FaithHana