Friday, May 1, 2009

PROVEN guilty

Okay.. I know, I know. I should be concentrating on BIOLOGY now..
I should be analysing the metaphase, anaphase or what not bla bla thing...
And I should be away from the computer at least for the next two hours if I really am serious about getting an A in my mid-year.

But come to think of it.

Why don't I play smart here?
Why don't I use up my precious 2 hours now in return of
"THE TRANQUILITY AND CONTENTMENT FACTOR TO STUDY PEACEFULLY" for the next two days. I mean like, finish up every article, every blog changing, every e-mail replying, every comments-giving and then ....for the next two days, i can really concentrate. Plus, i won't even have to go to KSK at my school just for the sake of checking out d blog. Lets settle everything here, shall we.

That was cool.
Now, it's justified.

For those of you who didn't know why this blog suddenly mendiamkan diri, well, it's because CokelatChip and I are both at KISAS (Kolej Islam Sultan Alam Shah) and so, if you know what that means, you'd know why we didn't have that much time to write up.
So, now we're on 4 days holiday.

And this is quite saddening to say, but believe it or not, as I'm typing these words,
I'm feeling very, very guilty.
In fact it suddenly occured to me that all these times, it was as if I was not serious through what I've been upholding.
I don't know what's happening in Palestine.
I know I can seriously just scroll through the internet, surf it here and there and just find what I want to..
But then, for one month, I'm away...and for one month, I kinda forget it all.

Little by little.
And now I wanna write, I wanna tell people what's happening, I wanna go back to those feelings, I wanna cry again, I wanna be at that moment and it all seems so much far...

Did I just forget them? I seriously couldn't have. I mean, come on....I couldn't have forgetten Palestinians, BaitulMaqdis, Alquds..the suffering, the blood, all...
I couldn't have, could I? Is this for real?
Am I being me, the me I don't want to be.
The me who is contented.

The me who is happy.
The me who didn't bother to take time and think.

The me who is in deep, deep loss.

Ya Allah
, forgive me.

I, who hold responsibility towards the Land of Palestine, turned away and forgotten it.

I, who focuses on books, time and food.

I, ...I'm ashamed of me.

I told people not to let media be the barrier.
And yet without the news havocing the issue, without the papers bombating the deaths, I stayed silent, not knowing a thing. When I could have hoped and hoped still..

Palestine, I'll get back to you. I don't wanna lose the feeling. The feeling of love I've tendered for the land. It should be there. It should stay there. For ever and ever. Amin...

by: FaithHana

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